Conflicting Emotions

by writer in the dark

I love you. I miss you. your summer is going great and I am happy for that, I really am. but I am scared; it seems you might not need me now that things are good. maybe I am over reacting, it has been a couple days since you sent me a message and about a week since we had proper conversation. I hate feeling petty, I believe you love me, I am certain you did the last day I saw you. it has only been 2 weeks since then, where has all my confidence gone? 

you went out with what I guess were work friends to have a drink, and I feel jealous. not so much because I think you might be interested in someone else but because it looks as though it was effortless- which I have no idea if it is true of not. I wish it was that way with us  as well. I am more than willing to travel to you, but things get in the way. work schedule, parents, your desire to branch out. you never hid your desire to experience new things after we had run our course. I appreciate the honesty but it is becoming increasingly hard to shoulder. Despite my objections my heart just keeps falling for you deeper, I don’t want to dive in because I am scared you might  be a shallow river I know your love is deep as an ocean but what if I am not if the right spot, maybe it if further ahead in a place I can’t reach. 

I am scared, you being happy is my biggest priority, I really want the job, but am I qualified for it?