by writer in the dark



Today I want to tell you about my day.

I have been hanging out with peter often.  Like I told you, it is not going all that well with me and the other RA’s. Today we worked out a little. It is a great way to tune out. I also talked to jai about our business partnership, I have never really been my own boss before, it is an exciting but scary feeling. Yesterday I ran, it was peaceful especially because I went after going swimming.  The nice thing about running outside is getting to look at the sky. The clouds passing by, the light passing through them, all of the different values density creates.

Forgive me for posing as one of your own; it is a bit more fun trying to write in “mysterious and cryptic” ways.

The last couple days waking up has been a difficult; waking up means everything starts again: the itches and aches, the muscles stretch, the brain starts to rev. the electric impulses race to the cavity in my chest. Something I experienced firsthand the first day of winter, is something I have read about before, apparently one of the biggest problems for amputees is having the brain get used to the limb not being there. When the gray king issues an order but its servant is not there, the gray king throws a tantrum of thunderous pain. There I was sitting in the snow waiting to get back home, thinking, removing melted snowflakes off my face. With the chariot soon to come, I get up and maybe it was cold, or the lack of circulation from an hour of sitting on the ground, but for what seemed like an eternity the king shouted and screamed to a servant that decided to remain in bed. 3 short powerful tantrums shook the kingdom almost to the ground.  I wonder if that is why we feel the heart hurts, is it taking a stress nap but the restless king is trying to wake it?

It is incredible what pride is capable of. To appear strong I even do the hardest task, listen to myself. I replay in my head every question, every scenario, every advice. Keep busy, check. Be around friends, check. Let it all out….I will say this blog counts, so…. check. I would usually still be avoiding people at this point but I thought I would mix it up. Be involved, seem interested, and do not doze off. These are the new laws of the game. They work surprisingly well I have to say. Not sure why “surprisingly” as those are my go to remedies for other’s hearts.

I wonder what you are looking at.




ps. if you are reading this, I am sorry it means I wasn’t able to keep completely away, as you can tell by the tag it was my intent to have you read it but I didn’t want to burden you.